A New Life

Recently we have all been “given” a new life. It varies for all of us, but we didn’t choose it. All of us have taken this in different strides. Not one way is incorrect, but they are certainly individual.

COVID-19 is something that we all did not expect. I bet the only thing we can all agree on is that it has changed our lives. I personally am angry. It may be how I deal with things, or depression, anxiety, or whatever, but I am angry.

I thrive on schedules and clearness. With every thing being cancelled, changed, dramatic, etc., a piece of me is dying each day. Some of the things I get, and I am actually mostly okay with, but cancelling school put me over the edge.

I know, I know, it’s like summer. Um No. No, it is not. Summer has no expectations based upon standards that others set. Summer is by choice, not by someone else’s decisions for me and/or my children. I also, have months to prepare for summer, not minutes. Why in the world would the governor/school district think that suddenly I WANT to homeschool my children? I know, the response is that you are not actually homeschooling. Really? 8 hours on day one, 6 on day two, monitoring, watching, talking it through, figuring it out…on and on and on. If that’s not teaching, what is? Just because I didn’t come up with the lesson plan doesn’t mean I am not teaching. Seriously, this is so hard. My kids also do not want to do this. It’s actually harming our relationship with each other. We are all fighting and confused and feeling like there are expectations on us that we cannot fulfill. Why might I ask, do we actually HAVE to fulfill these said expectations that were placed upon us? Are we perhaps viewing them differently, or not as expected? Perhaps. Maybe we are just making this harder than it is.

Then there’s the other aspects. No way to really relax. Stuck at home instead of fulfilling other demands, whether personal or physical. My kids are begging to play, and I am fine with that, but so many parents are not okay with it, so they are stuck at home…with me. The weather isn’t good enough to be outside all the time, or even half the time, also a problem. Then there’s the fact that all activities have been cancelled everywhere. I cannot even take my kids to a movie. Some of this I understand, but is it not all a bit of an overreaction? Maybe, maybe not. What if a little part of what I am saying is maybe true? What if we have shut out and changed our lives so drastically for too much time? What if this all backfires in some mysterious way that none of us understand yet? What it we all seriously go insane because we are stuck at home? What if actually getting the virus makes more sense than not getting it? Who knows? No one. We are all just doing our best. My anger makes no sense. My feelings are just that, feelings. I have no real answers. I just have feelings.