My First Blog Post

A Journey of “thousands” of miles

Be seen and not heard.

-From the generation of parents before mine.

I’m sitting in our family car, which is a Delta 88 Oldsmobile, right behind my father. I’m tucked in a seatbelt with my younger brother. We are sitting on top of a suitcase so we can see out the window. My parents and one of my 4 siblings are seated 3 across in the front of the car, while there are 4 of us children along the back. We have managed to somehow get to Palo Alto California without killing each other on the LONG drive from Utah. The car stinks. We have dealt with bordem, car sickness, hunger, sleepiness, crappy music, arguing and the likes. We have been gone from home for days. We visited a cabin that is owned by my Great Grandparents for a few days beforhand, and because we were in California, my Dad felt it important for us to visit while we were somewhat close. Too many hours in the car. Days have added up, and now I just want to go home. My young body is done. I cannot wait to get out of the cramped stinky car to run around at my great grandparents house. The traffic in California is insane. It’s nothing like I know of in Utah. My Dad keeps telling my mom how he has to speed because that’s just what you do in California, and you have to keep up. We finally arrive at the house. It looks beautiful to my young eyes. There’s a LEMON tree! Who knew lemons grew in people’s yards? I’m so exicted to explore. My Dad puts the car in park and turns to face all of us. “Remember kids, this is not a place to play. You are to be seen and not heard.” WHAT? I’m not sure what the really means, but I sure want to get out of the car, so I nod my head and say okay. I have gathered from my wiser older brother that I am to be on my best behavior. I’m hoping I find an adventure behind that arched doorway. I cannot wait to find dolls and toys to play pretend. Maybe go in the backyard and climb a tree. We knock on the door and wait. Slowly the door opens and my aged great-grandparents open the door to greet us. We all line up in a way that my Dad can introduce us one by one, give hugs, and apparently we are all going to sit in the living room and talk. Ugh. My Dad motions for us to sit down with a quiet, “Don’t touch anything,” said into our ears. More sitting. NO! The house is beautiful. It looks like something I have seen on television. There’s a grand piano. A GRAND PIANO! I love to play on our simple upright at home and want to touch the keys. No I am told. Oh, and by the way, don’t sit on the bench because my Great Grandmother made the covering on it and I might be dirty. The decor is museum like with figurines that look expensive, furniture that seems impractical, and artwork that my young mind isn’t quite sure how it’s art. I’m hoping for an escape. I heard we were going to go to lunch. Perhaps I can have good behavior until then…hours later, okay maybe miutes, but it feels like hours. “Can I go play somewhere? Is there a toy room? Can I go outside? Do I have to sit here and listen to you and Mom talk?” I’m not sure how long I lasted, but I am BORED! I’m hoping Dad will give me relief. Shsh! Is all I am told. Finally I am not the only one who is restless. It looks like all 5 kids are. Great Grandmother takes us upstairs to a “playroom” of sorts. “Be gentle with the toys, don’t break anything, the toys are old.” There are dolls in a glass cage in the hallway. I wonder why I cannot play with them. The toys that are there are interesting enough to hold our attention for a time. Tin toys, blocks, old looking books, a pull toy. Suddenly our Mom appears. “You were told to be quiet. You can be in here, but we should not be able to hear all of you.” Okay Mom. We all hush for awhile. Soon we are all bored again. We have to go to the bathroom, we’re hungry, we start to wander downstairs. We sit on laps, and quietly ask if we can go outside, leave, eat, anything. Finally Dad relents and asks if we can see the backyard. Oh to be outside! There’s a massive tree in the center of the yard. Leaves that are larger than I have ever seen before. I’m so happy for fresh air, and it seems my siblings feel the same. The older people talk while we explore and look around for a bit. Finally my Great Grandparents say it’s time to go to lunch. Better words were never spoken! Somewhere with a playplace please. Nope. We are headed for Sizzler, they have a buffet for lunch. What’s Sizzler?

This is a picture into what I would begin to understand as the: “Put on a happy face and be seen and not heard” mantra. There’s nothing wrong with it. Especially for where I was and whom I was with. Honestly, as a mother and adult now, I understand the thoughts and feelings of those adults. They just wanted to get together and not worry about a bunch of kids infringing on their time. I get it. I need to chat and be with adults and friends too. Somtimes though, we need to listen to our kids, and the people around us. Maybe, just maybe they have something to say. Maybe they know something important. Maybe, just maybe they will change your life or your perspective. Maybe everyone needs a chance to have a voice.


I sit and wonder every single day where faith has disappeared to. Faith specifically in God our Eternal Father. As an American society it seems we have decided to brush away God. Brush off his teachings and follow our brother Lucifer.

Now I know that I have with that one paragraph made some leave my page. However, this is my voice. I am only one person, as is Lucifer, as is Christ. One person. That’s what makes a difference. ONE.

As we have been going through this pandemic of fear, because it really is, people seem to have forgotten the first two great commandants. Matthew 22:37-39, Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all they heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. These are our greatest commandments, yet EVERY.SINGLE.DAY. I hear of, or have been treated, or see someone treating another badly. The same can be said for the first commandment. The respect and worship of God Almighty has diminished to almost null and void.

I have been pondering why we let fear rule our life. It’s valid, it’s necessary and sometimes even good, however it can become a crutch, a tool, and a weapon. I had a conversation recently with someone close to me. They told me basically that I was a bad mother if I didn’t “make” my kids wear masks. Is that accurate? 100% NO!!! However, did it hurt? Did it make me question my worth, parenting, existence? Yep. I also had another person tell me I wouldn’t make it Heaven if I did not vaccinate myself personally. How that hurt. My favorite part, these 2 people do not come to my home, they do not see me at home with my family, they do not actually “know” what goes on at my house, even if they think they do, yet they say hurtful, hurtful things. I find this disturbing. How can one be so full of fear they forget to “see” another?

Now, I am sure I have been in this quandary myself before. I’m not saying I haven’t. (Hello teenage years, and other difficult times.) However, I have found as I purposefully place myself closer to Christ and God that I am able to work through my feelings of fear and see people again. We are all on this path of wanting to make it to Heaven. We are all trying, whether we judge someone to be or not. We all fought the war in Heaven for agency. AGENCY. We as a people seem to want Lucifer’s plan at this time and want to dictate matters and take others agency away from them. Sad, so sad.

I am a firm believer that when given options, education, time, pondering, and through prayer, we can find our answers and make the best choice for us. God will lead us by his hand. None of us are likely to get the same exact answer and that it TOTALLY OKAY! I have always taught my kids that they get to choose. What to wear, what to eat, what to watch, whether or not to get baptized, whether or not to go to church, whether or not to wear a mask, get vaccinated, etc. These quandaries are a daily part of our lives. For example, when one of my children was deciding whether or not to be baptized, my husband and I clearly told them they did not have to be. It was their decision. We had taught them, given them information, told them to pray about it and left it to them. For a short time, this child chose not to be baptized. We were criticized by some for letting them choose, but if God states at 8 years of age they are capable of knowing right and wrong, I have the faith that he is correct. Eventually through their own personal prayer, they chose baptism. I have another child who as a teen has decided they are done with church. Especially the going to church. Well, we asked them to pray and ponder and let us know. Now, I don’t know if they actually prayed, but they chose to not go and we have allowed that. We have received criticism for this too. Last night, I had a child come to me and tell me they had been praying about mask wearing. My heart burst! This is my youngest child. They said they knew they were supposed to mask at least for now. Through tears, they said, but I don’t want to. As we talked, they helped me testify how sometimes it’s really hard to listen and follow the counsel to our prayers, but when we do, we are blessed.

Honestly, it does not matter what the choice is, or the heaviness you carry. When taken to the Lord and really working on building our faith in God, fear will leave, calm will come over you. I hope everyone will consider spending more time building their faith and less time worrying over a virus and what everyone else is doing. That my friends is the ONLY way to feel peace, calm, and happiness again.


I’m not so good with big changes. This year has been difficult for me. Lots of things out of my control keep changing. The worst part is that there’s no rules. No finite anything. I’m done with it. My body is done with it. I need things to stop changing. I need to not have to literally question every single thing I do, and at this point everything I think. I constantly worry about offending someone because I didn’t do something correctly, forgot something, or even just because I am completely oblivious. I feel like we have completely missed the mark. This whole thing has no definitive purpose. Does anyone actually know what the purpose is? There’s ideas and thoughts, but nothing is clear. People are losing their minds, their jobs, their humanity. All of this has become ridiculous. When will we open our eyes and stop? Just stop. I don’t know where anyone else is at, but I know that I am done. My family is done. This whole “pandemic” mindset shutdown government running your life and the constant barrage of negative news has GOT.TO.STOP. People need to be human again, not robots. We need to go back to a world where it’s okay to make mistakes and think differently. We need to go back to a space where we can get out of our cars or hold a gathering without worrying about a hundred things that might offend someone else. We need to be ourselves and be okay with who everyone else is. We are divided because we have lost our humanity. We need some love and understanding. Please reach out and accept others and their choices without judgment. Please try to accept that we all are doing the best we can, and it is really actually okay to fail and to fall. It’s perfectly acceptable to think differently. It’s totally not a problem to be different from everyone else. It is actually okay to not believe everything in the media. Most importantly it’s okay to be you.


I have been on a fitness journey for about 5 years now. I am shocked sometimes how much I have changed and keep improving, but that’s not to say that it hasn’t been difficult. Honestly taking care of my body is one of the most difficult things I do each day.

If I want to feel good I have realized that means taking some time for myself to workout, ponder, eat well, sleep and go to bed early, have spiritual time and more. Each of these items takes TIME. Time actually that seems impossible and that I may not have. I have had to go through a mental shift as well as a physical shift. My kids and spouse have also had to learn that I am not giving up, and they are part of the process to my success or failure. This is truly a battle I want to win.

I get up every day knowing I am going to work out. When I started years ago, I actually slept in my workout clothes because it was that hard for me to go workout. If I was already dressed and only needed to brush my teeth, I went. Thankfully I do not have to do that anymore.

The hardest thing currently and has always been, is that I am emotionally tied to my food. Diet is truly the key to all physical and emotional success and it is also the most difficult to manage and be successful at. I can workout for a very long time. I can change up my workouts, I can add more reps, days, exercises etc., but I will not look and feel good if I do not eat well. Conquering the correct lifestyle diet is my biggest challenge.

When my kids make me crazy I eat. When I fight with my husband I eat. When something goes wrong, I eat. The opposite is also true. When things go amazing I want to celebrate. When I want to go do something it’s usually got food in there somewhere. When the kids are successful, we eat. It is very interesting how food has become this thing we do, not a life sustaining source. It’s not a freedom, but a vice. It’s something to control and conquer.

I LOVE food! I love that feeling of satisfaction and fullness. I love cooking and making meals that everyone raves about. I love being able to eat what I desire. I have found great recipes and great things to help me on my journey, but there are hard things. Traveling is hard, other people make things hard, school and church make things hard. Honestly, if I was never tempted to cheat, I would most certainly be successful. Isn’t that how everything in life works though? Aren’t there always obstacles that seem insurmountable? Isn’t there ALWAYS something holding us back in anything that we really want? Seriously. Anything good in life comes from hard work. REALLY HARD WORK. I sometimes hate it. I am sometimes too immature to remember that everything in life that’s worth anything takes hard work and frankly time. I’m in this weird spot where I want to be amazing and extremely fit, and yet something or multiple things are holding me back somehow. How to overcome this? I’m just not sure. I just know I will keep trying, and I will never give up.

Scout Mom

My boys love scouting. I always wanted to be a scout and loved interacting with my brothers and the troop they were in as a kid. I was seriously so excited to have my boys in scouting.

Scouting has changed for us this past year, and now parents are WAY more involved. I was involved before, but now I have been on two campouts. I have to say camping with a troop is a mixture of a nightmare and a blessing. There are sometimes too many “cooks in the kitchen” with the amount of parental “help” we have. However, I have enjoyed building new relationships and watching my boys grow through the experience.

Currently I sit as my boys and the other troop kids are at merit badge classes. I’m enjoying a bit of time AWAY from everyone. This is scary for me. I have been camping before, but always with someone whom knows more. My boys are looking to me for guidance and I just don’t know if I can cut it. I do like helping them, but I also want to run away from them. Haha

On our way home from our last campout my oldest said, “Mom, this was just what I needed. A few days in the mountains and now I can face my week ahead.” Melted this mommas heart! I hadn’t loved no running water, no flushing toilets, absolutely DISGUSTING out houses, and he made the whole trip worth it with those few precious words. I hope my boys know what a sacrifice this is for me and how much I absolutely love them and would do it again to make them happy.

Rachel Lyn


Seems weird to start a post with that title, but I think it describes the feelings in my home currently very well. We all feel trapped. Now, is this because of our own choices or others choices? Perhaps some of both.

With this pandemic going on, our lives have not really changed very much, but our mindset has. Life still goes on. Kids still worked on school, until the school year was over, we still had our activities, even if they were on the computer or phone, church services still happened with slight changes, work still went on. Why then do we all feel so trapped one might ask?

I feel like our power to choose and have agency has been removed. For some reason we cannot choose whether or not these changes can be made, it’s been done for us by seemingly advanced forces with no thought to how it would affect mental, social, spiritual, physical life. It has been an experience that I literally never want to experience again. I miss my ability to choose what I think I want to do, say etc. in my life. I cannot just choose to get up and go to Costco. Nope. I have to consider that I cannot take my children with me, and I have to wear a mask-that I truly believe does nothing but make us more mentally ill. I no longer get to say, hey kids jump in the car lets go to Costco. Nope. I cannot choose to put my children in activities. Nope. I have to decide if I am okay with the dictation of “safe” practices if I go anywhere or do anything.

What if I know and have decided that I know what “safe” means for me? Doesn’t matter. If it doesn’t line up with the powers that be, I am wrong. Am I though? Didn’t God give me the right to choose? Didn’t God give me a brain that can research, understand and know for myself? What is what the powers that be say something and I disagree? I don’t actually know what to do with that. I do disagree with some things. I do agree that we needed to be more aware of others, illness, spread of germs, etc., even though I know I was already informed. I am high risk. I have a weak immune system. I have been down this road for years. I know what “getting sick” means. It means something for me that looks totally different for someone else sadly. I have been very aware that no one actually cares if I get ill. I have always had to take precautions. I have always had opportunities to educate others.

Funny thing with all of this, not one person from the powers that be has actually asked me or anyone else I know that is super high risk how we feel about these measures being taken. Guess what? We don’t agree. We have lived like this forever. We know that we can live in fear, doubt, sorrow etc. that we might die, catch a bug that will kill us at the store, gym or wherever, BUT we LIVE!! We choose to LIVE! Sitting trapped in our homes is not a way to live. It’s not a way to raise children. It’s not a way to work, go to school, get a hair cut, have friends, parties, on and on and on. One must LIVE!

All of this has gone too far. It’s time that those that are not high risk and are scared to live figure out that this is no way to live. It just drives depression, mental illness, crime, divorce, secrets, gossip, and more. It’s time to be back at it. It’s time to decide that we are going to be okay. It’s all going to be okay. Let’s all join together, get back out there and LIVE!

A New Life

Recently we have all been “given” a new life. It varies for all of us, but we didn’t choose it. All of us have taken this in different strides. Not one way is incorrect, but they are certainly individual.

COVID-19 is something that we all did not expect. I bet the only thing we can all agree on is that it has changed our lives. I personally am angry. It may be how I deal with things, or depression, anxiety, or whatever, but I am angry.

I thrive on schedules and clearness. With every thing being cancelled, changed, dramatic, etc., a piece of me is dying each day. Some of the things I get, and I am actually mostly okay with, but cancelling school put me over the edge.

I know, I know, it’s like summer. Um No. No, it is not. Summer has no expectations based upon standards that others set. Summer is by choice, not by someone else’s decisions for me and/or my children. I also, have months to prepare for summer, not minutes. Why in the world would the governor/school district think that suddenly I WANT to homeschool my children? I know, the response is that you are not actually homeschooling. Really? 8 hours on day one, 6 on day two, monitoring, watching, talking it through, figuring it out…on and on and on. If that’s not teaching, what is? Just because I didn’t come up with the lesson plan doesn’t mean I am not teaching. Seriously, this is so hard. My kids also do not want to do this. It’s actually harming our relationship with each other. We are all fighting and confused and feeling like there are expectations on us that we cannot fulfill. Why might I ask, do we actually HAVE to fulfill these said expectations that were placed upon us? Are we perhaps viewing them differently, or not as expected? Perhaps. Maybe we are just making this harder than it is.

Then there’s the other aspects. No way to really relax. Stuck at home instead of fulfilling other demands, whether personal or physical. My kids are begging to play, and I am fine with that, but so many parents are not okay with it, so they are stuck at home…with me. The weather isn’t good enough to be outside all the time, or even half the time, also a problem. Then there’s the fact that all activities have been cancelled everywhere. I cannot even take my kids to a movie. Some of this I understand, but is it not all a bit of an overreaction? Maybe, maybe not. What if a little part of what I am saying is maybe true? What if we have shut out and changed our lives so drastically for too much time? What if this all backfires in some mysterious way that none of us understand yet? What it we all seriously go insane because we are stuck at home? What if actually getting the virus makes more sense than not getting it? Who knows? No one. We are all just doing our best. My anger makes no sense. My feelings are just that, feelings. I have no real answers. I just have feelings.


So… I got a dog. Well not just me, it’s for the whole family, but let’s be real it’s my dog. You know the worst part? I’m terrified of dogs.

For all the dog lovers, no I didn’t have some traumatic experience with a dog when I was young, no my parents do not say I did either. I just have always innately been afraid of dogs. Doesn’t matter the size, or the breed I am scared. Why in the world would I then put a dog in my house? For the love of a child.

I have a child who struggles with anxiety to the nth degree. He is in 7th grade and is so anxious about school that it’s causing real problems for him. I got down on my knees and asked God how to help him. He said a pet would help. I’m thinking great I could do a bunny or a cat. I was not smart and went to my son and asked him what kind of pet he wanted, he said dog. I should have asked would you like a bunny or a cat? I went back to God. “I cannot do a dog. You know I cannot do a dog. Now what?” God was gentle with me and said to get a dog. Great I thought. My fears are coming true. Hell is freezing over. I’m getting a dog. I started talking with my husband about the possibility and what would be best, how it would help our child, all of those things. I started doing research on breeds, house dogs, puppies vs. adult dogs, etc. etc. I then started committing to it. I started looking for a dog that would fit our family. Biggest issue was becoming price. The breed I decided on runs really expensive. I couldn’t find an adult one either, realizing that it was a bad idea for me to have a puppy. I prayed again. “God, you said this was the right thing for my son. If it’s meant to be, please make it work out.” Not many days after that prayer I found one on a classified ads website. “Cavalier King Charles, 3 years old. Needs a new home, we’re moving and cannot take him with. $200.” What? Wait! Read it again. Adult, and affordable. Shots up to date, neutered. I was getting a dog.

We picked him up, and I was nervous about it. Still am. We have had him for 5 days. I have eaten my feelings, missed my workouts, cried, been questioned as to my sanity, walked a dog, worked on training a dog, petted and loved a dog, called a groomer, purchased dog things, let a dog poop in my yard, be in my house, and love my kids. It has been a LONG and very difficult five days. It seems to be okay. I love my son. He has had a better week. I will continue to try to stifle my fears, because I love my sweet boy.


Have you ever noticed that Facebook has become this place where people think
they can tell their friends, family, loved ones how to feel? No seriously.
People post things in a venting format and other tell them they cannot feel
that way. REALLY. Think about it. What was your last post? How many people
“corrected” you on it? It is very interesting to think about. Here
are some examples from my own posts on Facebook.

During the holiday season I posted a venting post about the mailman in my
neighborhood. I have lived in the same house for 15 years, and I kid you not, I
get mail for the people who lived here 15 years ago…still. I also get mail
for my next-door neighbors, and for some folks who live a couple of streets
over with a similar address ALL.THE.TIME! Now, my mistake was posting how I
hate this phenomenon during the holidays. Of course, the mailmen and post
office are busier during that time frame, but the mistakes they make happen ALL
YEAR ROUND. I was posting how I ordered some things online and it said online
that they were delivered, yet they were not. This happens regardless of the
time of year. Someone else received them in my neighborhood, and had yet to
take them to my home. Well, I was venting my frustrations. However, some people
in my neighborhood group felt they needed to correct my frustrations by telling
me to have heart it’s the holidays, give them a break-they are trying as hard
as they can, etc. etc. Um…NO! It happens all the freaking time! Why can I not

I posted in my city chat group my feelings on a dog park. Someone told me that my
comment was not warranted in the post because they felt that I was taking the
leash law and putting it into the dog park situation. Well, kind of? I said if
it solves other issues with dogs in our city like people not adhering to the
leash law, then we should go for it. Huh. I have a different train of thought,
but my feelings are somehow less valid than everyone else’s in the city? WOW.

Yesterday I posted a comment on a friend’s thread who was venting that she
didn’t understand why we had a snow day for the schools in our district. I agreed with her, and also commented my feelings on the matter.  Then some “friends” we both share tried to correct my feelings by saying I should be happy about an extra day with my kids, or that I should play with my kids with the time I have. Interesting. I said in my comment that I was busy all day with appointments and work, so how are those comments relative?  Also, why are they trying to change how I feel or how my friend feels?  We have a right to feel like the snow day was unwarranted.

We feel what we feel. It doesn’t matter what the topic is, or where we state
our feelings, they are ours. It’s actually okay to feel what you feel and many
times we all just need to be validated in those feelings so that we can move
on. Why do so many think they have to change our views, or show us how we
“should” feel differently? It’s like telling a mom with autistic
children that it wasn’t vaccinations that made her kids that way, or like
telling someone who is homosexual that they actually are not-it’s a fad, or
that someone who says they don’t believe in God actually does. All of these
things are someone’s heart. None of us can change how anyone views the world,
or how they feel about the situations they are in. It is a moot point to try
and convince someone they are “wrong” in their feelings. Why can’t we
all just be supportive friends and let them vent and validate that is where
they are at?


Sunday’s seem to be one of the most difficult days of the week. I find it interesting. My observations are that each person views Sunday as a day where they get to choose what they want to do, but as a family it doesn’t always work. I also feel like it’s the one day where Satan and his minions want to destroy you, and they work EXTRA hard at doing so.

I grew up just as many Christians do, knowing that Sunday is supposed to be a day of rest. What exactly that meant though, it has changed over the years. In the scriptures it says it’s a day to rest from labors, we should keep it holy, and have our worship and thoughts be toward the Lord. As I have grown and developed Sunday has been many things for me. It has always been a day where I did not go to work at any job. It has been a day where no shopping has been done, no going out to eat, or getting gas or those types of things. As a child it meant going to church, maybe napping, having a nice dinner and some fighting and playing with my siblings, and the Disney movie special on ABC. Somtimes it also included going to Grandma’s house. As a teen, I started using it as a day to listen to churchy music, read the scriptures or other church related things, trying to feel the Holy Spirit and learning of God. As a young married person, I tried to keep it that way. As I had babies and was a young mother, it became a desperate time to get a break from the kids with my husband home. My nice church clothes turned into practical wash and wear church clothes and wondering why I attended church to constantly be in the hallway and wondering why I was there because fighting my kids at church wasn’t any fun. I’d come home and just crash. I hated the effort and battle that ensued. I guess that’s why it is where I am now.

Now that my kids are teens and tweens, I just think that they’ll grasp that it’s a holy day. That they’ll start thinking like I did and want to feel closer to God. I realize that I was a “special” child and that my realization at 11 that God was real and that I wanted to be close to him was unusual, but it’s not unheard of. I guess I just have thought that my kids would have similar desires. They don’t. They are normal kids who fight me on speding family time together, reading scriptures as a family and having gospel discussions seems like a constant battle.

Sunday’s go like this at my home. I get up before everyone. I shower, then get my daughter up so she can shower and wash hair. When she finishes, I get the boys up and one showers while the other eats and starts getting ready. We fight about getting ready, using the bathroom, what’s for breakfast, how to do hair, who’s breathing where etc etc. At some point we have all eaten, gotten ready and are waiting to go to church. We all have different levels of attitude whether good or bad about heading there. Some days I have tried to listen to gospel music, or a talk from some church authority to help lighten the mood in the mornings, but it doesn’t always work. I fight with my kids on what they are putting in their heads all Sunday with television, books, homework EVERYTHING.

Once at church we fight on whether one can walk around before it starts, where to sit, who to sit by, who sits where in the pew, if one can do something in their laps before the sacrament, and so much more. When church is finished, the gathering and finding of each other is a hassle, the getting home and whether to chat with people can be difficult, but it’s all exciting. Home it is. Church clothes off-which is always a fight to get hung and put away nicely, and then the fight of pajama’s or other clothes that I do not deem appropriate wear, but have mostly given up, what to have for lunch or meal or whatever time it is, and if someone wants a nap, what is the appropriate noise level in the house? Everyone has an agenda. What they feel is appropriate or inappropiate for Sunday. Even husband/father has differing opinons from mine. All becomes a battle.

Truthfully, I think everyone could improve where they are at with Sunday holiness and worhip, including myself. I don’t have the answers, but I know I do not feel good about what happens in my own home on Sunday’s. Everyone is an indiviual, and you want to encourage the learning and spirit of the home, but don’t want to shove it down anyone’s throat. I do not know how to make any of this better, but I hope that I am doing the best I can and setting the best example I can most of the time. In the end, I hope that Satan doesn’t win and that my family will be able to feel the spirit and realize the importance of the gospel and have testimonies of their own. I only wish it wasn’t so painful.


I have so much on my mind today, and so many things I want to share. I will start simply.

I always wanted to grow up. I wanted to get out of childhood as quickly as possible. I remember, especially as a teen, when I would argue or fight with my parents I would say to myself, “Oh they have no idea. When I am an adult things will be so different. I will do things better, faster, etc. I will understand more. Life will be so much easier.” Boy was I WRONG!! Now, I do some things differently from my parents, but for the most part we are similar. They did know. They knew and understood so much more than I ever gave them credit for. Where did I go wrong with my thinking? Oh man, I had NO IDEA how absolutly difficult it is to be an an adult!

Being an adult is like the saying, “You cannot eat an elephant all at once, you do it a bite at a time.” Seriously as children if we knew what being an adult was like, we wouldn’t grow up. We would stay kids forever…maybe that’s why so many young adults are not leaving the nest these last few years…

There are so many reasons to grow up. First off marriage. I LOVE being married. I love having someone to always come home to, someone who will be honest with me no matter what, someone to love me unconditionally, someone to be on my side and work through this life with me, and SO much more. Honestly, I am lucky. After being with my husband for almost 22 years, I still pine after him. I still want him. He is my everything. (and sex is great! :)) Not everyone gets that, and not everyone wants it. However, I can honestly say that being married, the man I chose, are the best things I have ever done with my life. You have to be an adult for that.

Having my own home is another great reason to grow up. I love being able to run my own home. No one tells me how to decorate, what to cook, when to get up, how much to clean, when to clean, etc. etc. I get to decide. It is overwhelming and difficult and all of that, but it’s all mine. It’s my special place. It’s my place to change, accept or whatever. I may not love the exact house I have chosen to pay my mortgage on, but I love that it’s mine. My physical home is where I have been different from my mom and dad, and I’m okay with that. Some things I did choose to keep from theirs, but I run it differently. Partially because my husband is not like my family, and partially because it’s how I express myself. Hopefully I’m not hurting my kids in the process. One of the most important things I have learned from having my own place is that it is hard. The responsibility to own, take care of and love a home can take a serious toll on a person. You soon realize the gratitude you have for your parents and their care for their home and you. It’s expensive, time consuming, and so much more, but oh so worth it.

Children. I will certainly do a separte post on having children, but I love mine. They bring joy different from the joy of marriage, but similar. There is nothing to describe how precious a child is. How spiritual and amazing it is to carry, birth and raise a child. Holiness is the word that comes to mind for me here. Now, children are hard, I’m not going to lie on that front, but worth it. You have to be an adult to have children.

Now there are small things that I love about being an adult that really don’t matter, but they are my perks. I get to choose my own clothes. Yep, I know that’s vain, but I want to choose what I purchase, where I purchase it, and I want to wear what I like. I get to wear and do my hair and makeup however I want. I think it is so funny every time I dye my hair or part it in a non typical way and my dad tells me how he just wishes I would wear my hair naturally. Well, I get to choose, and what I like isn’t exactly what he likes, or my mom’s taste for that matter. I get to buy my own food. This for me is a big one. As a kid mom made dinner, did all the shopping and all of that. Thanks Mom! Even though I am grateful for that, I didn’t always like it or want it. I remember as a little kid sitting at the table with a yellow tupperware cup full of milk staring at it. I wasn’t going to drink it and my parents weren’t going to let me leave the table until I did. NOPE. A battle of wills. I won most times, because eventually one of the other kids would need attention and they would leave the room and I would pour it down the sink each time they did. HA HA! I still hate milk to this day. Food is emotional and wonderful and I love that I get to choose. I get to pick the car I drive-to an extent. Okay so I would love to own and drive a 1967 or 68 fully restored Ford Mustang, but I drive a practical van. I got to choose it though, and I love it. We do not make millions, so there are limitations, but I still get to choose within those. Yay! There are so many other things that I like about being an adult, including choosing job choices, finishing school, where I choose to live, whether or not I have a pet, being able to choose my own doctors, and so much more. What do you love about adulthood?